My prayer life has been mildly disabled since the death of my mom earlier this year. People are still asking me, "How are you adjusting"? Typically, i respond with some transparency about the still obvious and painful gaps, the sorrow of my new orphan identity, the need to regularly reorient my thinking ("i need to show this picture to mom!...")
What i have not said is "i don't know how to pray anymore".
Seems like a conversation-stopper.
It's such a simple spiritual exercise, and i know I should know better. But i lost my bearings after weeks and weeks of begging the Lord to spare my mom from the very things that He, in fact, did not spare her from.
Don't misunderstand me. Mom's journey with her illness was so much less painful and heartbreaking than we expected. As a family we were profoundly grateful for dozens of months and a myriad of memories that we enjoyed, far beyond her doctor's original diagnosis.
But those last two months were hard.
i've been reminded that we American Christians don't like hard...and we are wired to have our way. But this dilemma of mine has not been about hardship. Or about God's willingness to meet my demands. i fully accept --- and am grateful for --- His sovereignty. i believe wholeheartedly in His love for my Mom and for our family. i know that as we suffered, He suffered with us.
My challenge is: What does godly prayer look like? In light of my theology, how am i to pray...in the midst of crisis, heartache, fear, disappointment...how am i to pray with faith for God's glory? How am i to pray when i am deeply committed to God's sovereignty and His plan? How do i pray when i know God will do what God will do??
Don't get excited. i don't have all the answers...and what i do have, i'm SURE is not new. But this week, God has given me a foothold for Truth that is marinating in my mind and feeding my weak faith.
i've been reading through Luke (slowly, i know) and this week i came to the familiar passages in chapter 11. This text begins with the disciples saying:
"Lord, teach us to pray".
Just those five words made me want to weep! What follows their question is a two-fold response from Jesus that has, literally, breathed life into my worn out soul. These are words that i repeat week after week in worship, and today it is as if i have heard them for the first time. Phew.
i'm so anxious that these words, the words of Jesus, resonate with readers that i will wait to write more until tomorrow...in the meantime, and before reading the next post, i want to encourage you to read them for yourself. Pick up the Scripture and read Luke 11:1-13. If this is your struggle, let the words of the Savior seep into your heart and mind.
How have we missed this???
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